Celebrating With Others.

"It is okay to clap for someone who's dream took off before yours"

Today I opened up my Instagram feed and I was flooded by the adorable first day of school photos. I looked at beautiful babes in their Mama's arms and Father's proud faces on display. For a moment, my heart dropped. I have spoken about this before, but when you lose a baby you also lose all of their memories too. I hesitated and I lingered in the thought of our little blonde boy in his school uniform with my husband beaming in the background. As a natural academic, this was always one of the days that he would look forward to most. We always spoke about how our children would be curious and how he would love exploring their ideas and questions with them.

I would give pretty much anything to see Zachary stood outside of our house in that picture-perfect moment but the only photos I have of him are in a box in what would be his nursery, or on my phone tucked away in a bittersweet album.

I write to all of you today who look at those photos and you feel distressed. I write to those who look and see a flicker of hope that one day you may be able to take that photo too. You see, when I look at those photos, of course, there is a moment where I realise all over again that I will never see his cheeky and mischevious smile in a tiny little uniform, but it also fills me with hope. I look to the future and I look at all the memories I have to come with my children that I haven't even met yet, those I long to carry. I have made statements like this before and have been asked 'How can you be sure that you will be a Mother?'. The honest answer -- I am a mother. I may never make those memories but I know that we will endeavour to do everything in our power to make them happen whether that be with a biological babe or one that we may adopt.

It can be very challenging to look around at everyone living your dream. It can be so difficult to look at those photographs and feel anything but profound sadness and grief for your own situation. Though I look at those photos and I see women that fought with infertility, I see women that have lost babies, I see women whos dreams of having a family have come true, I see women whos heart leaps for joy when they see their child move up a year. I smile writing this as I think about my friends whom I treasure who have had both difficulties and ease to get to this point.

It is okay to be happy for someone while feeling anxious for ourselves. I feel as though we are taught that we can only feel one thing at once but it is so possible to feel both intense joy for someone else while still feeling sorrow for yourself.

So today as you look at those photographs, or as another ultrasound photo pops up on your feed and you feel like you're being left behind. Know that you are not missing out on what was meant for you. There is still so much more to your story and though it feels like the end, it is far from over. There is hope. Darkness cannot win and I promise you that in time you will see glimmers of the light shining through the cracks that you thought could never be restored.

Let's learn to rejoice with those around us.

Let's learn to be women that celebrate other victories.

Let's learn to raise the children we have and the children that we don't have in a way where we can applaud someone else on their successes.

But most of all, let's learn how to love on people with grace, courage, vulnerability and hope.


Popular Posts